Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
