I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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