just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
