Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His hands were made for my vagina.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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