You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
