8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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