You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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