...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
