she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
