I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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