If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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