apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
