Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
