imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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