Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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