someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
