My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
