Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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