Please, let me fuck your mom
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
