they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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