my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
