His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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