Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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