Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
