I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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