She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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