Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
