Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
