my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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