Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How external is "for external use only"?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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