It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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