i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
