put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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