Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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