I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize