I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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