Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
