Joe is yelling at the trees again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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