his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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