Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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