Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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