He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
