Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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