Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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