"it" just moved
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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