i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
