That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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