foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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