i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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