I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
