I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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