she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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