I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
