Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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